It's a Boy.

I got a kitty! Help me name him.

My New Best Friend

I'm bored. That has been my motto for the past three years. Here I am in Wichita, Kansas working on my Masters Degree in Horn performance and I am bitching about not having enough to do. I know, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. My first semester I watched A LOT of T.V.. In all fairness, it was the first time that I had access to cable television since MTV got taken away for filling my head with all sorts of suggestive messages. Second semester...what did I do second semester? I think that was when I played poker all night and ventured into the wonderful world of beer. It is soooo good. Cave Creek Chili Beer is nooooo good though. I can't remember what I did to fill my time last year. Hmmm. Thinking.....thinking.....thinking......GOT IT. That was the year I got calendar raped by my boss. When I wasn't at school I was at work. And when I was supposed to be at school I was at work. When I should have been sleeping I was at work, and when I was supposed to be practicing guess where I was-at work. I don't seem to have that particular problem lately. Hehehe. Now it is a new problem. "Mom, I'm bored." (you just gotta say in that 2 year old turned 25 whiney voice that all children no matter what the age can master) I could practice. But I do a lot of that as it is. So what do I do when I am not practicing or in rehearsal or teaching lessons? I don't know. The last few days I have been working on a story. It's quite a bit of fun and OMG relaxing for the most part. You can view the star of my latest creation below. (Hint: his name is Samuel and he is a porcupine) I know I am not even close to a good artist, but I thought he turned out kind of cute. A little strung out looking, YES. But cute nonetheless. (Jeffery thinks he looks like a big old nasty juicy bug that went splat on the window of a car traveling 65 MPH)

Call me Ted

Just saranwrap my boobs down, give me a pair of tube socks, and call me Ted. I am becoming a man. That's what I have decided. I think it will make things a whole lot easier. I suppose a majority of you all are scritching your heads saying to yourselves WTF? Today I picked up my car at Nail's Automotive. And I got dicked over. Partially because I am a pushover and partly because I come complete with a 38D rack and vagina. I quit. I never really believed that the world was still a man's world after all this time. I can say for certain that in the world of automotive jazz a woman will still get taken advantage of, weather it be at the dealership, the bank getting a car loan, or at the mechanic. It is so frustrating. How is it possible that women still put up with this, though I suppose I am not one to talk since I let it happen to me. When I saw the bill and all the stuff they did to my car that I specifically said no to I should have just told them "Thank you for your generosity in being very thorough with my car, but I did not authorize these repairs and I am simply not going to pay for something that I said no to." But I didn't. Yes, I questioned it. And you know what his answer was? "The work has already been done, and I just didn't want a purdy little lady to get stranded somewhere." Pardon the following language, but FUCK YOU. I'm done with my feminist rant. Thanks for listening. I guess I will probably just save the tube socks and saranwrap for special occasions. P.S. Does anyone have any men's underwear? I don't know that my lady drawers can accommodate a pair of tube socks.

Tryptophan Induced Coma

I know I gave mom a ton of shit over the years for buying all of her groceries for Thanksgiving in like September. I realize why she was Miss prepared now. I decided against my better judgment to go to Wal-Mart on Wednesday night and get the things I needed for the feast. NEVER AGAIN. At least not sober. It was a complete clusterfuck of shopping carts and people staring at pie crusts and no one making any sort of swift decision. The only place of refuge in the entire store was the aisle of baby diapers. Sanctuary, sweet sanctuary. Not a single other cart in the aisle! Whew.

So, Thanksgiving this year was a bit different. This was the first year I haven't gone home to Minnesota. So sad. I had quite an eventful day here in Kansas though with some friends.

David made the turkey... He is my personal hero for ramming his hand in there to dig out the grossness that lives packaged inside of a turkey. Look ma, no meat touching gloves for him!

Here it is all rubbed with herbs and butter and cider vinegar goodness!

All the food is in the oven. What on earth are we going to do to entertain ourselves until it's done. Watch football? Hell no! We neti potted our noses under the guidance of the neti pot master ( I don't think he appreciated the flash on the camera....yeah....thats it)


Greta thinks we are all fools. (Or she may be depressed since she is all dressed up in her chefs hat but we won't let her help in the kitchen.)

Davids turn for the neti pot (He kind of reminds me of my dad in this picture. Weird.)

With a helping hand from the master neti potter David gets his sinuses flushed out.

Mmmmmm Turkey's done. Look at that tasty bird! I don't think it needs any more drippings though. (Hahaha drippings-David's nose)

Wichita Thanksgiving weather is perfect for dining outdoors. I have never eaten Thanksgiving on such a beautiful day.

The menu:

Appetizers
Crackers
Cheese
Dip
Shrimp and Cocktail Sauce
Main Course
Turkey
Mashed Potatoes
Gravy
Green Bean Casserole
Homemade Stuffing
Corn Hotdish
Sweet Potatoes
Dessert
Pumpkin Pie x2
Chess Pie
Chocolate Chess Pie
Banana Pudding
Cheesecake

The coma begins to set in

After we regain some strength and are able to pull ourselves off the deck we play with kitties.
This one is Socks. He is known for his super soft long fur, dingleberries, and some tude. We still love him lots though.

This is Mickey. The newest addition to the list of pets that other people have but secretly I want to steal for my own.

















Back at the ranch. You wanna come over? You sure? If we don't make you neti pot we are going to put in the uncomfortable position of cleaning out your ears. Just lay still while I wedge a wax ear candle in your head and light it on fire.






















Ack! What a mess. Thanks Greta for cleaning up everything!

Eureka!

I've done it! I am officially a genius. As a Thanksgiving present for Katie, I have come up with the design for the toilet paper/paper towel tube party deck for the house on Holyoke. Notice the attention to detail. YES- I know it is about 1 year too late, but the dream will NEVER DIE. Muhaaa (Evil Laugh in a much deeper voice than I can actually create). If I missed any details of utmost importance please feel free to contact me so that I may make the changes in the final draft before I contact Mr. Hefley and haul all of my toilet paper tube stash over to the house.




HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO EVERYONE OUT THERE IN CYBERSPACE (I'M NOT YELLING...I'M JUST REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS ARCHITECTURAL DRAFT)

Yuppies!? Part Deux

I was just thinking that wouldn't it be wonderful if instead of yuppies, I attracted puppies? Oh, that would just be peachy...to be surrounded by little puppies who loved you and wagged their tails on you and licked you. Oooooohh, warm fuzzies!

Yuppies!?

What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract Yuppies! You attract the very well-dressed, job oriented type of people. They usually have their finances together, are 'middle of the road' on most topics, generally happy with the 'main-stream' of things. If it is stability you are after, these are good people to attract, if you seek adventure, it may be time for an overhaul.
You attract geeks!
You attract artsy people!
You attract models!
You attract unstable people!
You attract rednecks!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

Does this mean I am a snob? I hope not. If I am TELL ME!!! When the quiz says that I attract yuppies is this to mean that the men I attract are yuppies or just people in general? Hmmm. What to think? I don't want to be a yuppie. I wanna be cool, fun, dorky, and just plain kick ass. (Last 2 sentences work better if you picture me throwing myself down in the aisle of the supermarket screeching my head off like mom wont buy me candy.)More importantly does anyone really think that this is the correct definition of yuppie? I'm not so sure. From what they say I get the vision of the average middleclass American. Not the "how's my jig line? Wine sipping, socialite that I envision a yuppie to be. I would love to entertain anyone's thoughts on this most important of issues.

Linguistically Challenged

According to the world I talk funny. Here is a running list of all those words that make people around me smile and do a double take.

Bag--everyone loves that one
Tent
Pen
Dragon
Talk
Walk
Gawk
Folk
Ford (especially in combination with the word Focus! Just ask Katie.)
Car
Etude

The list continues on and on, but you get the idea. Every single day someone points out a word that I am asked to repeat for their own enjoyment. Sadly I comply every single time, as I am a bit slow and have yet to catch on to this gentle teasing. I guess it's a great thing that I am not going into radio or television. Cause no one would understand me and small children would point their fingers at the screens and laugh.

Minnesota Eh?

Keeping true to my roots, even after 2 1/2 years!

What American accent do you have? Your Result: North Central "North Central" is what professional linguists call the Minnesota accent. If you saw "Fargo" you probably didn't think the characters sounded very out of the ordinary. Outsiders probably mistake you for a Canadian a lot.
The Inland North
The West
The Midland
The South
Boston
The Northeast
Philadelphia
What American accent do you have?

Taco Bueno News Flash

I saw the sign and immediately thought of Katie. Tamales are now back at Taco Bueno. I distinctly remember her telling me to try them cause of their yummy factor. Now I can! YAY!

Today was quite a wonderful fall day, and I thought what better day than today to hang my drooly pillows out to get some sun and good earthly freshness. (Yes, I can admit that I drool on my pillows something fierce.) I never thought twice about hanging clothes out on the line, but now I think I will have to re-evaluate because a bird pooped on my pillow. Yup, now in addition to delightful fall smells and drool stains there is a festive streak of bird poop. (Gee, I hope it doesn't eat away at the fibers of my pillow! AHAHAHA)

Down the Dillons Aisle

While really great and tasty, Campbells Chunky Soup (the Hearty Bean and Ham variety) is likely to create farts that will cause third degree burns on your butt, and will melt cheap carpeting.

Also, if you ever get the urge to be more bohemian and spend the day sans underwear, just make sure you know that the zipper of your pants isn't going to slyly make its way down while you are traipsing about the market. I am pretty sure I can never go back to that store ever again.

WANTED: POST-IT FAIRY

This is soooo sad. What could my beloved Post-It Fairy have done to be wanted for questioning?

WANTED: POST-IT FAIRY

Wanted for questioning by the Bureau of Fantastical and Mythical Creatures...the Post-It Fairy. Last incident was reported in the Wichita, KS area. If you have any information on the whereabouts of this fairy please alert the Bureau of Fantastical and Mythical Creatures immediately.

The Post-It Fairy Strikes Again!

I do realize that it has been awhile since my last, but as you know I have changed residences. And this has weighed heavily on my mind for one reason. I am concerned that my beloved Post-It fairy will not be able to find me to leave those handy daily reminders. I have been sitting in my room rocking to and fro thinking about all the confusion this has caused my fairy. I am very concerned that my mythical creature is not as "in the know" as say Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, or even the Tooth Fairy.

Before I moved there was another note from my favorite fairy and I believe that it is my duty as head of the Post-It Fairy sighting squad to report this latest tidbit of info that he/she left for me.This notice was left in my room on a stack of cups. I must admit that I was being lackadaisical in my dishwashing duties and tend to horde the cups in my room. Oopsie! My bad! Anywho...I have to thank the Post-It Fairy for reminding me ever so gently that the cups have friends in the cabinet that they miss. I really should remember that our dishes are very a very close knit group of "china". Really, it is like Beauty and the Beast. If you go into the kitchen late at night all the cups and saucers are doing the limbo and the forks and spoons are fire walking across the stove while the garlic press is pounding away at some garlic.

And I would be remiss if I did not formally apologize to the cups whom I held hostage for so long in my bunker of a bedroom.

Thank you Post-It Fairy for reminding me of the important things in life. Now...where did I put those pickles?

A Visit from the Post-It Fairy

Look out tooth fairy! You have some competition. I just got another visit from my most favorite of mythical creatures. And this is evidence that the Post-It fairy is indeed real! I should purchase stock in Post-It since I now know that there is infact a high demand for them. I mean come on! The Post-It fairy has got to be very busy leaving tidbits of info for the general population so I might as well earn a bit of cash off of my mythical fairy friend. And I have to say kudos to Post-It for creating an adhesive that will stick to anything...from grungy bathroom walls and microwaves to greasy door knobs. Post-It fairy.....I love what you do, it makes me happy inside.

Hoop-d, hoopdie, hoopdy, HOOPTIE, etc...

This post is in reference to the previous post. I have done some research on the lingo for my proposed Plan-B. I thought I would get some information on the future pimpin ride that will be haulin' me around. Here is what I found. I will have to cross reference, but it is a start.

Hoop-d, hoopdie, hoopdy, HOOPTIE, hoop-t, hoopty, hooptee, etc...

"Today it can be any car or vehicle used as personal transportation. But is was originally used to refer to classic 70's or 80's era large American cars (impalas, newyorkers, town cars and so on...), usually found in the ghetto and in poor condition, that has been "pimped out" with garish paint, animal print interiors, wheels too large or too small and so on. They are often roomy, comfortable worn-out gas-guzzlers."

-Man that hooptie ride is bitchin.
-The tail pipe fell off my hooptie.


I think we get the gist of the hoop-d.

Plan B

Don't get your whiskers in a twist. I'm not talking about the morning after pill. I'm talking about the proverbial "Plan B". You know, what you are going to do when things don't work out as well as you hoped and you need a new plan of action. I've finally decided what to do if this whole horn playing thing never happens. Brace yourself, as this may be a radical decision. I am going to pawn all that I own and reinvent myself. Mom-I wanna be a gangsta! And I know just how to do it.

1. Sell Jamal (my car, for those of you who don't know me) and invest in a new "ride" -there was a hoop-dy (??? forgive me I am new to the lingo) for sale on the corner of 13th and Oliver. Nice ride not a lot of dough. I think Katie has seen this particular automobile driving around.

2. Move. No self respecting gangsta would live with two classically trained musicians, unless she is pimpin' them to pay for her bling. That's right-"I bought it". There is a nice place on 13th called Sunflower Apartments. $225 for a 1 bedroom. Not bad! The tall weeds out front mask the peeling paint, so it looks much nicer from the road. But, you won't even be able to see my front door around my new gangsta ride.

3. Pawn all belongings. This is a must. My things are too nice for a level one sista. I need to work my way up to the finer things.

4. Take bus to Goodwill and buy furniture. A nice flowery faux velvet couch would be nice. And
some mirrors. My pad wouldn't be complete with out a plethora of mirrors to look at my badunkadunk.

5. Hairstyle. I think the folks at the neighborhood haircare and cigar store (OG's International Hairdesign) could help me out there. I think some corn rows would be nice. Or maybe I could go Jamaican and get dreads. No washing needed. Bonus!

6. With my new 'do and my 'tude I think I am going to need some bling. What better bling than a brand new custom made gold tooth. Yeah! Smile Grillz next to OG's International Hairdesign and cigar store can hook me up. Same day service too! Who is the lucky girl now.

Really I think that's all I need to complete my transformation from shy uncommunicative Scandinavian to a hoop-dy drivin', bling wearing, full of 'tude homie.

Peace Out

Mrrrrrrr

Thank you Katie for the hint with my whole linkage problem. However, I am still not able to figure it out. I clicked on the "Edit-Me" and got a bunch of gibberish. Perhaps I am hopeless when it comes to technology. For Pete's sake, I can't even get my iPod to work correctly anymore. Now everytime I try and turn it on it gives my a snide little comment complete with a frowny face that tells me to go to iPod support. Argh. Why can't things be simple, like in the days of the abacus. Or even the plain old calculator. They went from the add/subtract/multiply/divide (and if you were lucky you could get a square root) to these graphing calculators that can create more beautiful pictures of sine and cosine waves than any artists rendering I have seen so far.

Some Randomness

1. I realize that I don't know how to create a link from my Blog, (dramatic pause) and I fear that the right hand column will forever say "Edit Me"
2. Driving 12 1/2 hours alone really does suck, but I would do it again.
3. My horse cock will never taste like Mom's.
4. The heat and humidity in Wichita makes my lips sad for horn playing.
5. While 95% polyester 5% spandex pants are quite wonderful as they don't wrinkle, they REALLY make my ass sweat.

Tribute

Ahh, greetings. So glad you could join me for this tribute. If you are not already familiar with the film industry, my name is Johnny Depp and I will be your guide through this tribute to my good friend Katie.

It seems as though the Windy City has swept her off her feet. Yes, that's right. Katie is off to the "land of opportunity".
(Like the pic? I stole it from YOU! hehe I'm devious)





Oh, my!!! Johnny Depp! My heart beats wildly!




Let us go back in time...I will transport you with my music.







Here we are. It is December of 2005 and it's time to move.
Come on in. I'll give you a little tour.
Welcome to 217 N. Holyoke
The former residence of "the Holyoke Homies"
Here we are in the living room. As you can see from the photo Amanda has little furniture. It was Katie's abundant collection of home furnishings that made this house a home.
The living room boasted enough space for the necessary living room furniture with a little extra room for cartwheels and fun yet potentially hazardous yoga moves.


Careful ladies!!!






Let us continue on our tour.





I have some introductions to make first.


Here we have the cat that lived in Amanda's room for a few days. I think they called him Dr. Smith. Was it even a boy? I don't recall.




Ummmmm. Excuse me Mr. Depp. Why do you think you get to lead this tour? I believe that should be my job.


Fine. I will retire to the bathroom and relax. (J.D)

Ahhh, that's much better. There is only room in this blog for one star. And that is ME, Maestro. And was this Johnny Depp character going to even introduce me to you all? I don't think so. He was just all about that other cat. Shall we get some pay back and see what Mr. Depp is doing now? Follow me. I think I know where he is.


........
........
.......
........

Knock Knock Johnny.....

Eeeeeekkkkk! I'm naked in the tub Maestro. What do you think you are doing?




Rock On!!! Johnny Depp in the tub!!!




Hefley alert!!!!
hehehe


O.K. Ladies. Let's get back to business...







KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK....


It's me, Tiffany! I don't mean to interrupt, but it looks like Katie bought a new motor vehicle. Let's go outside and take a look.





OH MAN! WHAT A SWEET RIDE!!!

Vroom...Vroom...




When a girl gets an new ride it's time for a party. I'll go and get the cake!







Ummmm....I guess you beat me to it.






Fastforward in time to Halloween....



Who else but Katie could get Amanda to wear a crazy getup like that out in public?


I must say, she makes a better Charlie than I.




Let's face it. Katie will be missed. A lot.
And who will be so kind to Amanda on nights like this?


And this...




Katie, you're the best. Johnny thinks so too!




ROCK ON!!!!

My thURsdaY DatE

I am so sorry that I puked in the living room. Roomates make puking nice. AS nice as it can be really. I miss Kiate. You know what that means. El Torero is the schiz nit., $1 margaritas rick with my Katie. Layihg in the grass is good. it helps us fuction properly. YAy!

Ah, Wilderness!

With all of my newfound free time I have been spending a surprising amount of time outside, considering my Northern Minnesota tendencies to hate the heat. Yes, to us northerners 70 degrees is warm. I am starting to get used to the heat and I just might enjoy it a little. (Don't tell my mom.) I think even my pasty white Norwegian skin is getting used to sunny weather. This year it is what I like to consider a golden brown. Of course this is all my opinion. But one thing is for certain, I have not turned in the red lobster screaming from the boiling pot of water like I usually do. Crap, now I've jinxed myself, as the summer is only half over. Plenty of time for a real good summertime sunburn complete with sheets of peeling skin. Anywho, what have I been doing with my time you ask? My new hangout is The Great Plains Nature Center. You Wichita folks are gonna have to trust me when I say this place is better than Food N Fuel, the coolest hangout in Duluth. O.K., so I was in high school, but it was wicked hip back in the day.

This is the elusive cactus that David did not believe to exist. Ha, I showed him!

A big old turtle just chillin' in the grass. Note: slime on back is same color as licorice poops.