16 July, 2007

Dangerous?

Out of what I like to think of as pure boredom I entertained the thought of joining a gym. I even took about 2 minutes to look at some in Wichita on the wonderful World Wide Web (does anyone even call it that anymore or am I dating myself?) I never realized just how dangerous gyms can be. One I checked out online had a consent form that is required, sounds pretty normal I thought. And then I read it.

You should be aware of the possible risk you might encounter by participating in fitness and recreation activities and/or participating in a fitness evaluation. The programs will be centered around activities that include running/jogging/walking, stretching, muscle strengthening and exercise using fitness equipment. (Well, gosh, I certainly hope so. I don't really want to pay $40 a month to go somewhere and watch TV, I can do that at home for free. And there is food at home.)
The most acute risk would be death caused from cardiac failure during exercise. Other medical problems that could result from your participation, but are not limited to: sore muscles, cramping, torn or pulled muscles, sprains, fractures, cartilage or ligament damage to major joint, nausea during exercise, rapid loss of weight and possible loss of appetite.
You may also incur some environmental risk if exercising outside, such as dog bites and traffic /pedestrian accidents. If you participate in water exercise, death from drowning would also be a risk.

Sounds dangerous. I think I will stay home today.

14 July, 2007

Know Thyself Before Entering Public

Rule of life #264 Know Thyself Before Entering Public
Example: If it is your tendency to sing while listening to your iPod do not, I repeat DO NOT listen in a public place.

Official embarrassing moment #2 ( OK, so I am sure I have had many many embarrassing moments, I am just choosing to forget about those.) I broke rule #264 in a bad way! I finally paid my library fines and decided to check out the good old Wichita Public Library for some literary fulfillment. I also decided to listen to my iPod and just tool around being happy. I got caught singing. Not humming. Singing. Pretty loudly. Oopsie. Sorry Mrs. Librarian, I forgot to use my inside voice. It's not the decibel disturbance that I created that bothers me. It's the lyrics. Of course I couldn't be listening to something classy like Ein Heldenleben or checking out my excerpt playlist for various auditions. Nope. I went balls out on Bob and Tom. Thats right. The conservative Wichita public along with a bus load of children from summer experience heard me belting BOTH "Enormous Penis" AND "Camel Toe". Why couldn't I have been listening to some indecipherable rap. At least then it wouldn't have been quite as obvious. But NO, I was listening to a barber shop quartet sing a memorable melody about a great big amount in the place where it counts and it feels like a bright sun shiny day and beavage. I am now officially totally and completely mortified and I think I will have to hire an assistant to return my books. If you are interested in applying please email your resume and three letters of recommendation. Thanks!