Out of what I like to think of as pure boredom I entertained the thought of joining a gym. I even took about 2 minutes to look at some in Wichita on the wonderful World Wide Web (does anyone even call it that anymore or am I dating myself?) I never realized just how dangerous gyms can be. One I checked out online had a consent form that is required, sounds pretty normal I thought. And then I read it.
You should be aware of the possible risk you might encounter by participating in fitness and recreation activities and/or participating in a fitness evaluation. The programs will be centered around activities that include running/jogging/walking, stretching, muscle strengthening and exercise using fitness equipment. (Well, gosh, I certainly hope so. I don't really want to pay $40 a month to go somewhere and watch TV, I can do that at home for free. And there is food at home.)
The most acute risk would be death caused from cardiac failure during exercise. Other medical problems that could result from your participation, but are not limited to: sore muscles, cramping, torn or pulled muscles, sprains, fractures, cartilage or ligament damage to major joint, nausea during exercise, rapid loss of weight and possible loss of appetite.
You may also incur some environmental risk if exercising outside, such as dog bites and traffic /pedestrian accidents. If you participate in water exercise, death from drowning would also be a risk.
Sounds dangerous. I think I will stay home today.
16 July, 2007
14 July, 2007
Know Thyself Before Entering Public
Rule of life #264 Know Thyself Before Entering Public
Example: If it is your tendency to sing while listening to your iPod do not, I repeat DO NOT listen in a public place.
Official embarrassing moment #2 ( OK, so I am sure I have had many many embarrassing moments, I am just choosing to forget about those.) I broke rule #264 in a bad way! I finally paid my library fines and decided to check out the good old Wichita Public Library for some literary fulfillment. I also decided to listen to my iPod and just tool around being happy. I got caught singing. Not humming. Singing. Pretty loudly. Oopsie. Sorry Mrs. Librarian, I forgot to use my inside voice. It's not the decibel disturbance that I created that bothers me. It's the lyrics. Of course I couldn't be listening to something classy like Ein Heldenleben or checking out my excerpt playlist for various auditions. Nope. I went balls out on Bob and Tom. Thats right. The conservative Wichita public along with a bus load of children from summer experience heard me belting BOTH "Enormous Penis" AND "Camel Toe". Why couldn't I have been listening to some indecipherable rap. At least then it wouldn't have been quite as obvious. But NO, I was listening to a barber shop quartet sing a memorable melody about a great big amount in the place where it counts and it feels like a bright sun shiny day and beavage. I am now officially totally and completely mortified and I think I will have to hire an assistant to return my books. If you are interested in applying please email your resume and three letters of recommendation. Thanks!
Example: If it is your tendency to sing while listening to your iPod do not, I repeat DO NOT listen in a public place.
Official embarrassing moment #2 ( OK, so I am sure I have had many many embarrassing moments, I am just choosing to forget about those.) I broke rule #264 in a bad way! I finally paid my library fines and decided to check out the good old Wichita Public Library for some literary fulfillment. I also decided to listen to my iPod and just tool around being happy. I got caught singing. Not humming. Singing. Pretty loudly. Oopsie. Sorry Mrs. Librarian, I forgot to use my inside voice. It's not the decibel disturbance that I created that bothers me. It's the lyrics. Of course I couldn't be listening to something classy like Ein Heldenleben or checking out my excerpt playlist for various auditions. Nope. I went balls out on Bob and Tom. Thats right. The conservative Wichita public along with a bus load of children from summer experience heard me belting BOTH "Enormous Penis" AND "Camel Toe". Why couldn't I have been listening to some indecipherable rap. At least then it wouldn't have been quite as obvious. But NO, I was listening to a barber shop quartet sing a memorable melody about a great big amount in the place where it counts and it feels like a bright sun shiny day and beavage. I am now officially totally and completely mortified and I think I will have to hire an assistant to return my books. If you are interested in applying please email your resume and three letters of recommendation. Thanks!
03 June, 2007
Random Notes from the Road
I am wide awake and exhausted at the same time courtesy of a wonderful weekend away from Wichita and a 20 oz of Diet Pepsi. I just got back from my audition in Omaha, NE. Good times and noodle salad is what it was. (Thanks Katie for the reminder!)
1. Road trips are fun.
2. A 1999 Ford Contour can get 37 MPG. Miracles do happen.
3. I really want to give Phineas a belt with a sword, some nice thigh high boots, and a hat with a feather and teach him to talk like Puss in Boots from Shrek.
4. If you are going to do an audition you really should have looked at ALL the excerpts on the list. It is Murphy's law that the one excerpt you suck at is going to be the one they ask. And no matter how wonderful your solo is the committee is going to remember candidate #26 with a smile on their face because the Haydn #31 sounded like a cat being squeezed and then squeezed again-thanks to a very well placed repeat.
5. I can get from York, NE all the way to Park City, KS using only the cruise control settings on the steering wheel. The one city with stop lights was sketchy, but due to the late hour and timed stop lights we made it.
6. A big shout out goes to the family driving the dark blue Chrysler minivan from South Dakota. Thanks for letting me watch The Emperors New Groove with your kids. Technology is a wonderful thing and even if I couldn't hear the words because I was in a different car it doesn't really matter cause I came up with my own storyline.
7. A ponderance....is it possible that Midol can be the best road trip drug ever? Minus the actual menstruation part I suffered all the symptoms that it covers. Cramps-Yes, my leg cramped up once or twice partially due to the fact that I was sitting Indian Style in my car. Headache-Yes, the setting Kansas sun piercing my retina did cause a disturbance. Backache-Of course. I sat for over 5 hours straight, of course my back is going to start to ache. Muscle aches-I think that is covered in back aches and probably cramps too. Fatigue-Yes, I just drove 800 miles over 2 days did an audition and spent the remainder of the time hanging out with a friend. Of course I am fatigued. Water-weight gain. YES-drinking all that water before the audition did cause me to swell like a raisin sitting in a pool of water. Breast tenderness-Sure. Keeping the ladies restrained for such a long period of time will cause them to get cranky. And the final symptom that Midol claims to relieve....Bloating. Oh hell YES! After eating a bag of Cooler Ranch Doritos and a 2 liter of Pepsi on the way home I was most certainly bloated. It seems to me that Midol could double their marketing and repackage their product as a road trip remedy. I'll give the people at Bayer a call.
8. Popeye's biscuits with honey are my new favorite thing!
Signing off...
1. Road trips are fun.
2. A 1999 Ford Contour can get 37 MPG. Miracles do happen.
3. I really want to give Phineas a belt with a sword, some nice thigh high boots, and a hat with a feather and teach him to talk like Puss in Boots from Shrek.
4. If you are going to do an audition you really should have looked at ALL the excerpts on the list. It is Murphy's law that the one excerpt you suck at is going to be the one they ask. And no matter how wonderful your solo is the committee is going to remember candidate #26 with a smile on their face because the Haydn #31 sounded like a cat being squeezed and then squeezed again-thanks to a very well placed repeat.
5. I can get from York, NE all the way to Park City, KS using only the cruise control settings on the steering wheel. The one city with stop lights was sketchy, but due to the late hour and timed stop lights we made it.
6. A big shout out goes to the family driving the dark blue Chrysler minivan from South Dakota. Thanks for letting me watch The Emperors New Groove with your kids. Technology is a wonderful thing and even if I couldn't hear the words because I was in a different car it doesn't really matter cause I came up with my own storyline.
7. A ponderance....is it possible that Midol can be the best road trip drug ever? Minus the actual menstruation part I suffered all the symptoms that it covers. Cramps-Yes, my leg cramped up once or twice partially due to the fact that I was sitting Indian Style in my car. Headache-Yes, the setting Kansas sun piercing my retina did cause a disturbance. Backache-Of course. I sat for over 5 hours straight, of course my back is going to start to ache. Muscle aches-I think that is covered in back aches and probably cramps too. Fatigue-Yes, I just drove 800 miles over 2 days did an audition and spent the remainder of the time hanging out with a friend. Of course I am fatigued. Water-weight gain. YES-drinking all that water before the audition did cause me to swell like a raisin sitting in a pool of water. Breast tenderness-Sure. Keeping the ladies restrained for such a long period of time will cause them to get cranky. And the final symptom that Midol claims to relieve....Bloating. Oh hell YES! After eating a bag of Cooler Ranch Doritos and a 2 liter of Pepsi on the way home I was most certainly bloated. It seems to me that Midol could double their marketing and repackage their product as a road trip remedy. I'll give the people at Bayer a call.
8. Popeye's biscuits with honey are my new favorite thing!
Signing off...
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